This is directed at everyone who like me makes a lot of excuses about why they won't just spit it out and go talk to a guy. Popular excuses I myself have used:
1. What if he says no? It'll be so awkward.
2. But we work together.
3. We have class together.
4. We're in the same group of friends.
5. But I've known him forever - it would just be weird to try and bring it up.
6. But I just can't!
7. I don't know what to say.
8. I'll feel like a loser.
9. I tried before and it didn't work.
10. Why can't he say something first?
Now here's the thing - these are excuses for a reason. You know what you want, so why don't you go after it? I know this for myself and I constantly find ways to give myself reasons not to put myself in a vulnerable position. However - I have done it. Multiple times. It's usually a "Let's just stay friends" type of response. In 2 cases it was actually with guys I'd already made out with. One was rebounding (hard) after breaking up from his long term girlfriend (they were still technically sharing an apartment too). One was still hung up on another girl. Both times I made out with a guy then asked what it meant the make out had been when both parties involved were at some state of intoxication that allowed for previously controlled flirting to escalate.
I recognize there can be circumstances surrounding different things - believe me I am the Queen of going on about the circumstances as to why I don't want to be the one to make a move. Take my situation right now - my go to excuse? We work together.
But here's what I'm realizing - nothing ventured, nothing gained. Think of it in terms of Pascal's Wager.
You have two choices.
Choice 1: You never say anything.
Possible results:
- Nothing ever happens because he's not interested or is too chicken shit to say something the same way you are.
- He says something when you still like him and yay! He says something much later when you've moved on - either that he still loves you or he had a crush on you back in the day.
Choice 2: You say something.
Possible results:
- He says he's not interested. You now have closure. You move on with the help of ice cream and terrible movies and your girlfriends.
- He says he likes you too and yay!
Overall when it's spelled out like that - isn't your best option to just ask? I mean even if he says no at least you have an answer, right? It allows you to move on and be free from the "what if" possibilities that nag at you.
"But how do I know if he's actually interested?" you cry.
Simple. ASK HIM!
Let's see if I'll be able to take my own advice. Although in my defense I have in the past (and gotten "let's just be friends" every single time) and we do work together. ;)
I am on the edge of my seat! I want you to jump in, but I also don't want you to get hurt. Is there still a vibe? Is it intensifying? You must have a sense of whether he is attracted. gaaahhhh, it's so hard, i know.
ReplyDeleteThere is still a vibe and it's changed slightly in that I think both of us are still trying to get a feel for the situation and we're finding it awkward.
ReplyDeleteThere's been some random moments this past week at work and outside of work actually at a work pool party. (And yes I caught him checking me out in my bikini at said pool party.) I also made him blush on Thursday when I said I was impressed by something I'd seen him do the previous week at work. He always walks me out to the parking lot now whenever I stop by his camp to drop off something or do something. We had a really cutesy moment last Thursday actually.
I'd parked outside the school where his camp is and spent lunch there - which was when I'd made him blush. Then I had to go to the pool and deal with confronting one of my staff about something they'd done. Anyways when I came back I called him and told him I was going to be standing in his parking lot like a creeper by my car because I had someone meeting me about payroll issues. He laughed and said "Well - there will be someone watching you." And then when I got in front of the school by my car he waved from inside. At one point disappeared from view (we're still on our phones at this point I might add), and then I see the curtains move. "Are you in the curtain?" "...no. Heeheehee!" We then proceeded to talk on our phones as i walked over to be in front of the window where he showed me the craft he was testing out before his kids got back from swimming. We continued this until i suggested we actually try opening the window. Then high fived each other through the now open window and continued talking until the person I was meeting showed up.
It was kind of ridiculous.