Last night was date number 3 with Engineer Boy. I brought my friend and we hung out with him and his roommate. It was alright - good conversation although I started feeling kind of out of it. I'd developed a headache before I left and had taken an advil. I felt a bit better, but then we didn't eat dinner until really late. This doesn't usually fly with my system, which likes to randomly revolt. As it did last night as we were walking back to the boys' apartment.
My system revolted so much that it emptied the contents of my dinner onto the grass. Not that it had much to empty because I hadn't been able to stomach much to be honest.
Delightful.
Anywho - we said goodbye. He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead. As we were driving he texted saying his roommate would like my friend's number type deal. Gave it to him, he just texted back thanks. I sent one saying 'sorry I'm so lame for getting sick' or whatever.
I get home and it turns out I have a fever of over a hundred. Yep. It was not a fun night.
But the real kicker is the following. I had a game this afternoon but as I was leaving I went to check my phone. I have the following text:
"Hey {insert my real name}. I don't think this is gonna work out. You're a great girl but I just don't really feel a click. Sorry"
Initial reaction - why the hell didn't you at least call? Geez grow a pair.
Initial possible response - calling him to tell him he should have at least called.
Second possible response that put the kiabosh on the previous psycho response - I will not reply.
Third response, and course of action taken - drive home and go online to talk to people to get advice on reply. Send measure reply of following:
"Hey - no worries. Thanks for dinner last night. Hopefully you don't end up sick like I am now. Guess this is what I get for working with kids lol"
Anyways - I initially had gotten up and left this post not knowing if he would reply and while disappointed, wasn't overly fussed because - hey, just not my style and I still got work boy.
While I was eating dinner though - the following text came in:
"I'm glad you're not upset. We should still hang out sometime. I do still owe you a dinner after all. I wouldn't be too worried I don't get sick ofter. So you're still not feeling better?"
My response:
"Not really - I still had a bit of a fever this morning but I took some meds. Although trying to be a hero by going to soccer was stupid, but we had no subs."
Gonna go out on a limb and guess that probably my tom-boyish-ness is what is making it not click for him. He probably hasn't quite clued in that I remind him too much of a buddy of his or something. Cause I mean that would probably do it - and since I'm clueless about dating I usually don't know how to approach these sorts of situations so I instead act like a friend.
But hey - at least now I'm fully launched officially into the adult dating world post-university and had my first date since first year uni in 2006. Go team!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Labels & Commitment
I had an interesting conversation with my friend J last night. She was asking about how things were going with Engineer Boy. I had a second date with him on Monday after work. It was just me hanging out at his place. We watched Zombieland and some tv. Talked a bunch. It was very nice, very relaxed. His dog is adorable and I think I scored major points because I am such an animal person.
It was nice - very comfortable - dare I say, domestic even. Initially a bit awkward and also I was a bit annoyed when he was texting like crazy on his phone. I think he saw my face at one point though because then he suddenly explained that his friend just lost his job and was bored out of his mind. It was weird though - we were sitting on the couch but it was one of those L-shaped ones, so he was on the one side sprawled out and I was on the other.
I think his roommate hid in his room the whole time which was kindda weird cause we didn't even do anything. We didn't even cuddle lol! Anyways - he only made a move when I was leaving and standing awkwardly in his hallway. Then he sort of went "come here" and pulled me in for a kiss so we stood in his front hall kissing/making out for a bit, but I think he's going to keep it slow which is more than ok by me. But it's a bit weird at the same time. I mean - he kept his hands above the waist the entire time and it took awhile for the kissing to progress to anything deeper. At one point we broke apart slightly and he kissed my forehead which was really cute.
Here's the thing though - that was date number two. We have a date planned for tomorrow - a double date in fact. I'm bringing a friend for his roommate who also happens to be his best friend. And the boys are cooking us dinner. I said I'd bring the wine - figured it was a valid contribution.
Anyways - Engineer Boy had invited J and her new bf (his friend), but they can't come cause J has work until late. However, I guess after her boy got the invite he asked her if she knew what the status was with me and Engineer Boy. So she asked me.
This made me feel incredibly awkward. Not because I don't know, but because I hadn't really given it much thought. I don't think you can really decide on a label and the level of commitment this early on when you barely know each other. At least not really anyway. I mean - he and I haven't had any kind of conversation about what we're after. And I hope we don't for some time yet. I realized suddenly following my conversation with J that my "whatever" attitude towards the whole thing wasn't very typical - at least not for a girl. When I started to think about it I realized a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are still getting to know each other.
But then J started on about how she and her guy had the conversation very early on about what they were looking for etc and I realized that's just not how I work. Maybe I would feel differently if I wasn't still kindda torn between Engineer Boy and my feelings for Work Boy - who has suddenly stepped up his game a bit too in random little ways it seems. But I really doubt it. I don't want to suddenly be in some sort of labeled commitment/relationship just because the guy happened to ask me out. Engineer Boy seems to be taking it slow and I'm ok with that. I don't need a label right now.
It's weird though because overall he's the obvious pursuer in whatever it is that we're doing. I'm not used to that. I don't think I've ever been obviously pursued in such a way. To be honest - it's making me extremely flighty. He tends to be the one to text me first and tends to be the one to text last. I do like the attention but I'm not used to it.
In any event - the boys are making dinner tomorrow and it should be fun. But I still don't need a label at the moment and I'm happy to see hwo things go.
It was nice - very comfortable - dare I say, domestic even. Initially a bit awkward and also I was a bit annoyed when he was texting like crazy on his phone. I think he saw my face at one point though because then he suddenly explained that his friend just lost his job and was bored out of his mind. It was weird though - we were sitting on the couch but it was one of those L-shaped ones, so he was on the one side sprawled out and I was on the other.
I think his roommate hid in his room the whole time which was kindda weird cause we didn't even do anything. We didn't even cuddle lol! Anyways - he only made a move when I was leaving and standing awkwardly in his hallway. Then he sort of went "come here" and pulled me in for a kiss so we stood in his front hall kissing/making out for a bit, but I think he's going to keep it slow which is more than ok by me. But it's a bit weird at the same time. I mean - he kept his hands above the waist the entire time and it took awhile for the kissing to progress to anything deeper. At one point we broke apart slightly and he kissed my forehead which was really cute.
Here's the thing though - that was date number two. We have a date planned for tomorrow - a double date in fact. I'm bringing a friend for his roommate who also happens to be his best friend. And the boys are cooking us dinner. I said I'd bring the wine - figured it was a valid contribution.
Anyways - Engineer Boy had invited J and her new bf (his friend), but they can't come cause J has work until late. However, I guess after her boy got the invite he asked her if she knew what the status was with me and Engineer Boy. So she asked me.
This made me feel incredibly awkward. Not because I don't know, but because I hadn't really given it much thought. I don't think you can really decide on a label and the level of commitment this early on when you barely know each other. At least not really anyway. I mean - he and I haven't had any kind of conversation about what we're after. And I hope we don't for some time yet. I realized suddenly following my conversation with J that my "whatever" attitude towards the whole thing wasn't very typical - at least not for a girl. When I started to think about it I realized a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are still getting to know each other.
But then J started on about how she and her guy had the conversation very early on about what they were looking for etc and I realized that's just not how I work. Maybe I would feel differently if I wasn't still kindda torn between Engineer Boy and my feelings for Work Boy - who has suddenly stepped up his game a bit too in random little ways it seems. But I really doubt it. I don't want to suddenly be in some sort of labeled commitment/relationship just because the guy happened to ask me out. Engineer Boy seems to be taking it slow and I'm ok with that. I don't need a label right now.
It's weird though because overall he's the obvious pursuer in whatever it is that we're doing. I'm not used to that. I don't think I've ever been obviously pursued in such a way. To be honest - it's making me extremely flighty. He tends to be the one to text me first and tends to be the one to text last. I do like the attention but I'm not used to it.
In any event - the boys are making dinner tomorrow and it should be fun. But I still don't need a label at the moment and I'm happy to see hwo things go.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
First Date
So...I went on a date last night. With the guy I met on Friday. We'd been texting since Monday when I got back from the states where I was visiting my grandma in hospital. He'd actually texted Sunday night but my phone was off to avoid roaming charges. Anyways - we kept texting Monday/Tuesday, Tuesday night in particular after I got home from soccer. We were trying to figure out when we could go out, but I have a game Friday and he might be out of town Saturday. But then yesterday rolled around...
He texted and I got it much later when on a whim I checked my personal phone between visiting my camps. His plans for the evening had canceled and was I free. I waited until I got home to respond because I had to think about if I could justify going out when I had a lot of paperwork that I'm behind on. Well...I decided to go.
So he picked me up just after 6 - with only minor awkwardness from the parents at the door and we went to see Inception. We went early, not knowing which movie/time we were going to. So we had about 30 minutes before the movie started to talk and what not. Conversation was ok. Movie was pretty good. Afterwards we went for drinks, but I wimped out and got a decafe coffee cause I just had a bad feeling with my nerves making my stomach uneasy. When I get really nervous/anxious I can get physically ill...which sometimes means vomitting and little things - particularly alcohol set me off. However, I also know that milk/dairy has a similar effect at times. So just in case, I made the cover early on about the milk as I poured it in saying "I probably shouldn't be having milk so late, but whatever." I was fine, just more exhausted then anything so we bailed at about 10ish. Then sat in my driveway in his car talking for awhile when he dropped me off.
Overall...it was an ok date. I don't really date so I don't have much to compare it to. However...I did start comparing him to my work husband/crush. One noticeable difference that is bad news for Engineer Boy? He can't seem to really make me laugh the same way as Work Boy.
Now that's not to say we didn't have some good conversation. There were minor awkward moments - like when he was asking what my parents do and then I asked him and after he replied he got kindda silent...then throws out that he hasn't spoken to his father in like 3 years.
And I mean I guess he wasn't lying when he was saying he's kindda shy cause I could definitely sense that was part of it at times - and I know I'm a bit much and over the top. It's also how I tend to deal with awkwardness. it gets compounded in those situations. And I mean, he is nice. He was really surprised when I flat out said "No - I'm buying the drinks because you paid for the movies." So I dunno how he took it with that move in particular.
We did kiss when he dropped me off though. But it was the most awkward kiss lead-up I think I've ever experienced. I was going to get out and he's kindda like "Ok - kiss?" So I did lean over and kiss him, but who just asks like that? You set the moment and it happens usually. And it was ok, but it didn't make me go "oh wow" by any means.
And other little things that in conversation that came up that aren't really deal breakers by any means but worthy of attention cause it could lead to problems. Like he said he's a bit of a neat freak. Then also says he's a bit of a control freak. Stuff like that. The latter was when he was driving me home and we were talking about the tortures of packing and he was like "I prefer to just do it myself cause I'm a bit of a control freak." Whenever something like that comes out it's a big red flag for me because I don't do well with people telling me what to do. At all.
So I dunno. I would give him a second chance, but compounding the issue is Work Crush.
I even spent a good chunk of this week with Work Crush. Tuesday I had to pick soemthing up so I hung out and talked to him for awhile killing time. Wednesday we had to meet with our supervisor and another co-ordinator but for quite awhile it was the two of us being stupid together. And then I also saw him at the end of the day when i dropped my staff off at his camp - and this was after I'd already seen the text from Engineer Boy. I think Work Crush knows something is up and he needs to do something. We'll see.
He texted and I got it much later when on a whim I checked my personal phone between visiting my camps. His plans for the evening had canceled and was I free. I waited until I got home to respond because I had to think about if I could justify going out when I had a lot of paperwork that I'm behind on. Well...I decided to go.
So he picked me up just after 6 - with only minor awkwardness from the parents at the door and we went to see Inception. We went early, not knowing which movie/time we were going to. So we had about 30 minutes before the movie started to talk and what not. Conversation was ok. Movie was pretty good. Afterwards we went for drinks, but I wimped out and got a decafe coffee cause I just had a bad feeling with my nerves making my stomach uneasy. When I get really nervous/anxious I can get physically ill...which sometimes means vomitting and little things - particularly alcohol set me off. However, I also know that milk/dairy has a similar effect at times. So just in case, I made the cover early on about the milk as I poured it in saying "I probably shouldn't be having milk so late, but whatever." I was fine, just more exhausted then anything so we bailed at about 10ish. Then sat in my driveway in his car talking for awhile when he dropped me off.
Overall...it was an ok date. I don't really date so I don't have much to compare it to. However...I did start comparing him to my work husband/crush. One noticeable difference that is bad news for Engineer Boy? He can't seem to really make me laugh the same way as Work Boy.
Now that's not to say we didn't have some good conversation. There were minor awkward moments - like when he was asking what my parents do and then I asked him and after he replied he got kindda silent...then throws out that he hasn't spoken to his father in like 3 years.
And I mean I guess he wasn't lying when he was saying he's kindda shy cause I could definitely sense that was part of it at times - and I know I'm a bit much and over the top. It's also how I tend to deal with awkwardness. it gets compounded in those situations. And I mean, he is nice. He was really surprised when I flat out said "No - I'm buying the drinks because you paid for the movies." So I dunno how he took it with that move in particular.
We did kiss when he dropped me off though. But it was the most awkward kiss lead-up I think I've ever experienced. I was going to get out and he's kindda like "Ok - kiss?" So I did lean over and kiss him, but who just asks like that? You set the moment and it happens usually. And it was ok, but it didn't make me go "oh wow" by any means.
And other little things that in conversation that came up that aren't really deal breakers by any means but worthy of attention cause it could lead to problems. Like he said he's a bit of a neat freak. Then also says he's a bit of a control freak. Stuff like that. The latter was when he was driving me home and we were talking about the tortures of packing and he was like "I prefer to just do it myself cause I'm a bit of a control freak." Whenever something like that comes out it's a big red flag for me because I don't do well with people telling me what to do. At all.
So I dunno. I would give him a second chance, but compounding the issue is Work Crush.
I even spent a good chunk of this week with Work Crush. Tuesday I had to pick soemthing up so I hung out and talked to him for awhile killing time. Wednesday we had to meet with our supervisor and another co-ordinator but for quite awhile it was the two of us being stupid together. And then I also saw him at the end of the day when i dropped my staff off at his camp - and this was after I'd already seen the text from Engineer Boy. I think Work Crush knows something is up and he needs to do something. We'll see.
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