I've been mulling over a few different things to blog about today. I thought about doing something with some substance to it - like discussing some world event. Then I realized that would likely end up with me going on some big rant about something or other and I've been having mini rants over at Hooking Up Smart most of the afternoon.
Instead I have decided to do a random post of some awesome stuff. It's largely stuff that makes me laugh at the moment and I felt the need to share.
1. Regretsy
One of my more recent discoveries on the interwebz. Lots of snark and hilarity in response to some of the weird ass shit that gets posted on Etsy. For example -this vagina style bike seat cover (semi-NSFW), this giant penis sculpture (NSFW) and a real-life Batmobile. The whole site is hilarious for the whimsicle fuckery it displays.
2. Etsy
The inspiration for the above. I have yet to actually purchase anything on Etsy, but there is some cool shit on there that doesn't just involve vagina, penises and wtf-ness. I don't think I've mentioned it on here, but I used to knit a lot back in second and third year university. I got a bit too busy though with life after that though and the last thing I wanted to do after writing massive notes and typing huge essays was anything that required to move my hands/wrists in a repetitive motion. In any event, I used to be quite crafty as a kid too, and I've recently gotten back into knitting since I've re-discovered what free time is. There is something great about creating something tangible you can hold.
3. Lamebook
Everyone has one of those friends on facebook. The kid that posts some really stupid shit and it makes you want to just smack them upside the head. Then you're embarrassed that you're even facebook friends with them. Well - this is a site that celebrates the random stupid things people do on facebook. It's magical.
4. Legally Blonde the Musical
The entire thing is searchable on Youtube which is how I found it. I'd heard some of the songs before, but i sat down the other night and watched the entire thing. Gay or European has to be one of the funniest songs I've heard since...
5. Avenue Q
With songs like The Internet is for Porn and Everyone's a Little Bit Racist it's a snarky musical that never fails to make me laugh.
6. Emmy Intros
I don't really watch Award Shows. I will, however, search for funny bits after the fact once someone else has told me about it. The intro Conan did a few years ago is still makes me laugh. This years Glee inspired intro also made me laugh.
7. Scandinavia and the World
Webcomic I find hilarious having lived in Sweden for a year. :D
8. I'm on the supply list!
This isn't a clickable link and likely isn't nearly as awesome to you guys as it is to me, but still. It's pretty freaking awesome that I walked out of school and into an entry level job in my career path immediately following my summer job.
9. My killer Nine West red stilletos that I got in May but still absolutely adore - especially because they were only $30 at the outlet!
10. New season of Glee next week!
11. New season of Big Bang Theory also next week! (I think)
12. Oreos
13. Cake - especially celebration cake that I plan on having because I'm employed! (sorta)
14. All You Can Eat Buffets - that not only have prime rib and yorkshire pudding, but a massive dessert bar
15. Being able to just relax and enjoy life without freaking out about what I'm doing for the first time in years
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Exciting News!
As of today I am officially employed by the local public school board in my hometown as a supply teacher!
Very exciting. I am no longer a grumpy bugger about everything. However, I do enjoy that one of the girls who commented on my facebook status actually wrote "Congratulations!! No luck on my end yet.... Oh well." I almost didn't post anything because I knew there would be some people who would react with "FML" the same way I've been reacting every time I've had to see that in someone else's status leading up until now.
However - I wasn't obnoxious about it and quite frankly I have worked my ass off to get even this. Supply is no guarantee of work either and I fully intend on continuing to work my ass off.
So yes - in quite a happy mood. And somewhat related to this...
Work Boy commented on my status.
"horray. told ya, lol. way to crop me out of your picture"
The last bit is in response to my new profile picture. I changed it last night. And yes I did crop him out of it - he's sitting in the chair beside in the original but was far enough away it could be cropped to a solo picture without that awkward look of his arm still being there type deal. Naturally in doing this, I had wondered if he would comment.
I posted the following on his wall:
"I didn't realize you would be so offended that you were cropped out of my profile picture, my bad lol. But it's not like I'm in your profile picture so I don't see why you feel the need to be in mine. :P
If it makes you feel better I had to crop my own hand out because I'm holding a beverage and I don't want potential employers seeing that in my profile picture."
We'll see if he fires back a snappy comeback. In the meantime, I'm going to be looking to see if he wants to go out and celebrate my success with me. :)
Ah...sweet relief of having some kind of employment in my chosen career field!
Very exciting. I am no longer a grumpy bugger about everything. However, I do enjoy that one of the girls who commented on my facebook status actually wrote "Congratulations!! No luck on my end yet.... Oh well." I almost didn't post anything because I knew there would be some people who would react with "FML" the same way I've been reacting every time I've had to see that in someone else's status leading up until now.
However - I wasn't obnoxious about it and quite frankly I have worked my ass off to get even this. Supply is no guarantee of work either and I fully intend on continuing to work my ass off.
So yes - in quite a happy mood. And somewhat related to this...
Work Boy commented on my status.
"horray. told ya, lol. way to crop me out of your picture"
The last bit is in response to my new profile picture. I changed it last night. And yes I did crop him out of it - he's sitting in the chair beside in the original but was far enough away it could be cropped to a solo picture without that awkward look of his arm still being there type deal. Naturally in doing this, I had wondered if he would comment.
I posted the following on his wall:
"I didn't realize you would be so offended that you were cropped out of my profile picture, my bad lol. But it's not like I'm in your profile picture so I don't see why you feel the need to be in mine. :P
If it makes you feel better I had to crop my own hand out because I'm holding a beverage and I don't want potential employers seeing that in my profile picture."
We'll see if he fires back a snappy comeback. In the meantime, I'm going to be looking to see if he wants to go out and celebrate my success with me. :)
Ah...sweet relief of having some kind of employment in my chosen career field!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Suddenly it all makes sense...
I hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend! I've used mine to learn some things about myself apparently. Apparently indulging in a few drinks with the family late Sunday night will do that for you.
As those who have read the preceding entries know, I have spent a good portion of my summer agonizing over Work Boy. A typical nice guy, who to my knowledge has never had a girlfriend (not that I've asked, more of an assumption). He seems like the type of guy who would get friend-zoned pretty quickly - kind of like a male version of myself. Supremely non-threatening to a girl because he's sort of dorky looking and again - typical nice guy. Not exactly the type of guy who is likely to get a lot of attention from the opposite sex. I know this - because when I showed his picture to a few friends of mine I actually had a few people who laughed and said he looked like a total geek. He's more likely to get the "awww...you're cute" in that condescending friend sense
But for me? I dunno - there's something about him that just makes me get all tingly. So he's a bit of an awkward dorky looking kid. So am I. He's always smiling and laughs easily. He's got that twinkle in his eye of someone who's got a few tricks up his sleeve. He's one of the few guys I've met that when I turned around day and he had a beard I wasn't weirded/grossed out by it - he looked like a man. He may not look like he'd do much good in a fight, but he sure as hell gives off the vibe that he'd do his damndest to protect you if he had to. He's genuine and cares. And when I see him with kids? *swoon*
That last bit right there is probably what sealed the deal for me to be honest. I have never seen a guy so at ease with children in my life. Adorable.
So all this helped me realize why I was having so much trouble approaching him and saying how I feel. He is a nice guy. Getting a no from him would hurt so much more as a result. Any other guy who I've had the stones to approach was not a typical nice guy. More of a player-type with default nice guy settings because while he was a player at the time, he's not destined to stay that way. Plus, by the time I had the guts to approach them, I already pretty much knew the answer was no so I was really just after closure.
But Work Boy...I'm terrified of what the answer might be, because if I do get a no then it's like "Well...shit."
We were both at a work get-together last weekend. (As in one of the other co-ordinators invited all of us to her cottage but only a few of us went.) We were two of the six people that ended up spending the night at the cottage. We were both pretty loaded by the time darkness fell. We had spent the whole time basically pairing off - partly because of who else was there and we get on well and know each other well cause we worked in the same area. We had a lot of good conversation and a few specific moments I'm still not entirely sure what to make of.
We still talk regularly online. But now we won't hardly see each other so somethings gonna have to give if this is gonna work out the way I would like. As in...I need to woman up about it and just go in headlong like I do with most other things in my life. Ugh...I know I have little to lose by just going for it.
And the other thing is - my crushes, generally speaking, do not survive more than 2-3 months. Work Boy is at the crucial 3 months right now. He's also weathered the interloper for my attention in terms of Captain Douchebag. However, what's going to happen when we aren't seeing each other all the time and he's back at school and I'm set to be unemployed for the time being until something comes along?
Who knows. But why is it so hard to just ask if the guy wants to go get a coffee?
As those who have read the preceding entries know, I have spent a good portion of my summer agonizing over Work Boy. A typical nice guy, who to my knowledge has never had a girlfriend (not that I've asked, more of an assumption). He seems like the type of guy who would get friend-zoned pretty quickly - kind of like a male version of myself. Supremely non-threatening to a girl because he's sort of dorky looking and again - typical nice guy. Not exactly the type of guy who is likely to get a lot of attention from the opposite sex. I know this - because when I showed his picture to a few friends of mine I actually had a few people who laughed and said he looked like a total geek. He's more likely to get the "awww...you're cute" in that condescending friend sense
But for me? I dunno - there's something about him that just makes me get all tingly. So he's a bit of an awkward dorky looking kid. So am I. He's always smiling and laughs easily. He's got that twinkle in his eye of someone who's got a few tricks up his sleeve. He's one of the few guys I've met that when I turned around day and he had a beard I wasn't weirded/grossed out by it - he looked like a man. He may not look like he'd do much good in a fight, but he sure as hell gives off the vibe that he'd do his damndest to protect you if he had to. He's genuine and cares. And when I see him with kids? *swoon*
That last bit right there is probably what sealed the deal for me to be honest. I have never seen a guy so at ease with children in my life. Adorable.
So all this helped me realize why I was having so much trouble approaching him and saying how I feel. He is a nice guy. Getting a no from him would hurt so much more as a result. Any other guy who I've had the stones to approach was not a typical nice guy. More of a player-type with default nice guy settings because while he was a player at the time, he's not destined to stay that way. Plus, by the time I had the guts to approach them, I already pretty much knew the answer was no so I was really just after closure.
But Work Boy...I'm terrified of what the answer might be, because if I do get a no then it's like "Well...shit."
We were both at a work get-together last weekend. (As in one of the other co-ordinators invited all of us to her cottage but only a few of us went.) We were two of the six people that ended up spending the night at the cottage. We were both pretty loaded by the time darkness fell. We had spent the whole time basically pairing off - partly because of who else was there and we get on well and know each other well cause we worked in the same area. We had a lot of good conversation and a few specific moments I'm still not entirely sure what to make of.
We still talk regularly online. But now we won't hardly see each other so somethings gonna have to give if this is gonna work out the way I would like. As in...I need to woman up about it and just go in headlong like I do with most other things in my life. Ugh...I know I have little to lose by just going for it.
And the other thing is - my crushes, generally speaking, do not survive more than 2-3 months. Work Boy is at the crucial 3 months right now. He's also weathered the interloper for my attention in terms of Captain Douchebag. However, what's going to happen when we aren't seeing each other all the time and he's back at school and I'm set to be unemployed for the time being until something comes along?
Who knows. But why is it so hard to just ask if the guy wants to go get a coffee?
Friday, September 3, 2010
I have my own problems
I tend to be the go-to person in my group of friends for many things - especially if one needs a favour or someone to cheer them up. Apparently I actually come across as very nice and approachable which I've always found hilarious cause I think of myself as a bit of a bitch. However, I do tend to bend over backwards for my friends and at times have found myself being taken advantage of.
Now the problem is when I get to be in a shitty mood, I don't want to deal with other people's problems. The other problem is, when you are the person who provides this service to others in your group, you don't really have someone to turn to.
As I sit here, my summer job has ended except for getting called in for a few extra hours here and there. I've had two interviews for teaching jobs - one for the supply list in my hometown which I haven't heard back from yet (that was 2.5 weeks ago now) and one for an LTO (long term occasional - so a maternity leave) about four hours away (that was on Wednesday). I just got a call that I didn't get the LTO. I wasn't really expecting to, but it still sucks. Basically - I'm looking at being gainfully unemployed after today aside from the occasional babysitting gig. Hurray! Volunteering will be fine, but I need a damn job.
Additionally - the whole boy situation after the doomed encounter with Captain Douchebag (formerly known as Engineer Boy) has bottomed out.
So the last thing I want to be hearing from my friends right now are the following things:
1. "Oh I'm on the supply list but I don't think I'll get any calls and it's stressing me out."
2. "I'm really nervous about starting next week. What if my students hate me?"
3. "I have so much lesson planning to do!"
4. "I got offered an LTO, but I'm not going to take it because I already told my old boss I'd be back to teach dance while I did supply work."
5. "How current does my pastoral reference need to be?" - from the girl who is on two supply lists and got offered an LTO but didn't take it yet still wants more STFU
6. "My boyfriend is meeting the family tonight and I'm really nervous."
7. "My boyfriend did xyz for me - it was so cute!"
You get the idea.
I'm unemployed and single. So STFU. I don't give a flying fuck about your so called 'problems' because you know what? I would kill to have those problems right now! I spent yesterday sitting on my ass doing nothing and guess what I discovered? I suck at being unemployed. I also jump out of my skin every time the phone rings. Only to be disappointed.
I understand if it's your first teaching gig, you're nervous and you need to talk about it. But seriously? When my response is "Yeah I still have nothing" maybe that's a clue to stop talking about it.
This is all compounded by the fact that I keep finding out that people who should never be allowed anywhere near children keep getting jobs. Just fuck off.
Whatever - I'm helping out another co-ordinator this afternoon with her camp so that'll keep me busy and away from the phone. At least most of my friends who are getting jobs are in different subject areas than me.
Now the problem is when I get to be in a shitty mood, I don't want to deal with other people's problems. The other problem is, when you are the person who provides this service to others in your group, you don't really have someone to turn to.
As I sit here, my summer job has ended except for getting called in for a few extra hours here and there. I've had two interviews for teaching jobs - one for the supply list in my hometown which I haven't heard back from yet (that was 2.5 weeks ago now) and one for an LTO (long term occasional - so a maternity leave) about four hours away (that was on Wednesday). I just got a call that I didn't get the LTO. I wasn't really expecting to, but it still sucks. Basically - I'm looking at being gainfully unemployed after today aside from the occasional babysitting gig. Hurray! Volunteering will be fine, but I need a damn job.
Additionally - the whole boy situation after the doomed encounter with Captain Douchebag (formerly known as Engineer Boy) has bottomed out.
So the last thing I want to be hearing from my friends right now are the following things:
1. "Oh I'm on the supply list but I don't think I'll get any calls and it's stressing me out."
2. "I'm really nervous about starting next week. What if my students hate me?"
3. "I have so much lesson planning to do!"
4. "I got offered an LTO, but I'm not going to take it because I already told my old boss I'd be back to teach dance while I did supply work."
5. "How current does my pastoral reference need to be?" - from the girl who is on two supply lists and got offered an LTO but didn't take it yet still wants more STFU
6. "My boyfriend is meeting the family tonight and I'm really nervous."
7. "My boyfriend did xyz for me - it was so cute!"
You get the idea.
I'm unemployed and single. So STFU. I don't give a flying fuck about your so called 'problems' because you know what? I would kill to have those problems right now! I spent yesterday sitting on my ass doing nothing and guess what I discovered? I suck at being unemployed. I also jump out of my skin every time the phone rings. Only to be disappointed.
I understand if it's your first teaching gig, you're nervous and you need to talk about it. But seriously? When my response is "Yeah I still have nothing" maybe that's a clue to stop talking about it.
This is all compounded by the fact that I keep finding out that people who should never be allowed anywhere near children keep getting jobs. Just fuck off.
Whatever - I'm helping out another co-ordinator this afternoon with her camp so that'll keep me busy and away from the phone. At least most of my friends who are getting jobs are in different subject areas than me.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Re: How Guys Really Feel About the Girls They Hook Up With
This started as a comment over at Susan's latest post in Hooking Up Smart but then I thought it would fit better here.
Being a girl who has always been considered "one of the guys" has had it's drawbacks, but it's also shown me the dark side of hooking up because guys really do talk. A lot. The shit I've heard guys talk about? Just wow. And when it gets back to other girls? Girls can get blacklisted on all sides.
For example, in October Girl 1 and Guy 1 were kindda hooking up. However, they had decided they were exclusive, even though she was pushing for a relationship. In fact many people actually thought Girl 1 was with Guy 2 because they hung out so much in public. There's your first clue that it's probably going no where - no one even knows you're together. By Halloween we all sort of knew though - mainly because people had realized myself and Guy 2 would flirt/dance a lot when we were drunk and the story had got out that we'd made out one night after sharing a cab home. Ultimately went no where when I found it at the end of November that he was hung up on a girl back home, but we became really good friends out of it. I got the standard "You're really cool, but I just like you as a friend cause I like this other girl..." talk. Anyways Girl 1 left the Halloween party early and goes home to wait for Guy 1. On his way home, Guy 1 ends up banging Girl 2 in a stairwell. Goes home to Girl 1, tells her this happened. I believe they just went to bed after that.
Girl 2's defence, via her friends, was that she had just gotten out of a very serious 4 year relationship. It was concluded that Girl 2 knew perfectly well about Girl 1 and her relationship with Guy 1.
Two weeks later, Girl 2 ends up making out with Guy 2, despite knowing that there is still something sort of going on between me and him. Girl 1 and Guy 1 decide to insert themselves into the situation to "save him from her." I found out about this later as I'd left the club at that point and gone home.
Ultimately, Girl 1 ended up pretty much blacklisted for the entire rest of the year by the entire faculty. After those two incidents no one would really go near her - guy or girl - unless they'd already been friends with her for awhile or somehow hadn't heard about her antics.
For my part, I didn't care that she'd made out with Guy 2 that much because I knew I had no real claim. However, since she and I had a conversation about how I was confused about the situation earlier in the evening it bugged me on that level.
By contrast - I had made out with Guy 2 the one night. The only reason people even found out was because Girl 1 and one of her friends ended up blabbing - and even then a lot of people still didn't know, as I discovered at the end of the year when I made some joke about it then had to explain. He hadn't said anything. In fact, when things had even started progressing that night between the two of us I had stopped him and laid the ground rules and his response was "I know." When we talked about it quite some time later (as in like January) he said that I hadn't really needed to spell it out for him because he knew I wasn't "that type of girl" and was impressed that I stood my ground about it.
So I didn't get blacklisted by the entire faculty, but guys knew not to waste their time by hitting on me at the bars because I wasn't going to put out. Plus Guy 2 morphed into a bit of an over-protective brother the odd time if he felt someone with a questionable reputation was trying to get me home.
That's generally what ends up happening with me though - no matter where I go. In fact I vividly recall one night about 2 years ago when I walked home a little drunk after we'd finished a show then stayed at the pub. I left with a guy, but no one even thought anything of it because even though he had started whoring around since he'd broken up with his long term girlfriend 4 weeks previously, it was me. That was my year abroad and a lot of guys had been trying very unsuccessfully for the entire year to sleep with me and it had never worked. So even though my guy friend and I had been flirting like crazy the whole night (he'd lent me his coat since we were out on the roof top patio), no one thought anything of it. (Again - another example of how I set the boundaries right away even though I was drunk and the guy just went "I know" and later on told me in the sober light of day he knew I wasn't "that type of girl" and added that I deserved better than some slutbag like him anyway. He's become my go-to straight guy for advice since.)
However - if you look at what I'm doing here, it doesn't seem to work in the college setting. At all. I end up being the girl who can hang out with the guys and sometimes will make out with them, without them expecting more because it's me and I'm not that type of girl, but I don't get anything more than that. I also end up becoming better friends with them afterwards - likely because the sexual tension has been dealt with and fizzled for both parties by that point. So I end up with a lot of guy friends who get protective of me in certain situations and I end up becoming what I term "the emotional girlfriend" for them. As in - while they go and sleep around, I provide the emotional support of a steady girlfriend without any of the drama because we aren't actually together.
And yes before someone else points it out - I realize I'm getting a bit of a rare deal out of it here. I'm the friend and the support system the crave but what do I get out of it. I know - stop enabling them, whatever, etc. But - they are my friends and they try and hook me up as well with nice guys if they can - or at least will sit and give me advice on how to handle guys. Does it get frustrating to hear my guy friends say that I would make an awesome girlfriend, but they don't want to date me themselves? Of course. Is it somewhat mitigated by the fact that they reassure me that I'm attractive and a good catch. Yes.
And remember Engineer Boy who I went on three dates with in August? Turns out he may not have just wanted my friend's number his friend that Saturday night. He started texting her the same Sunday he blew me off via text. And when she didn't reply, tried again on Monday. Monday night she called me and we had a long chat about the whole thing. I said ultimately I wasn't going to tell her to do one thing or another but that quite bluntly I thought it was a real dick move on his part. She agreed, and eventually texted him back saying that she felt he'd put her in a very awkward position and therefore couldn't hang out with him.
Upon hearing this story every single one of my guy friends has immediately said some combination of the following sentiments:
1. You deserve better
2. What an asshole
3. Are you ok?
4. What about the guy from work?
5. Want me to beat him up?
6. You're being super classy about this whole thing
Does it suck? Yeah. It's a big hit to the self esteem because while I'm kind of used to getting passed over for my friends by guys, it's usually not after I've already actually had a few dates with him. Well except for when my date to the spring ball in third year ended up making out with my friend, but we'd gone together but not like "together together."
And when I admit the hit to my self esteem my guy friends are immediately all over trying to cheer me up by again pointing out he's an asshole and that I'm awesome and deserve so much better and that I'm super hot and adorable all at once. And when I point out that most days I don't care one whit about my appearance, some of them will point out that's what makes me so cute.
And ultimately - I know my buddies are going to make damn sure that no guy takes advantage of me and that if they ever catch a guy talking shit about me they'll probably be there in an instant to beat the crap out of him.
Being a girl who has always been considered "one of the guys" has had it's drawbacks, but it's also shown me the dark side of hooking up because guys really do talk. A lot. The shit I've heard guys talk about? Just wow. And when it gets back to other girls? Girls can get blacklisted on all sides.
For example, in October Girl 1 and Guy 1 were kindda hooking up. However, they had decided they were exclusive, even though she was pushing for a relationship. In fact many people actually thought Girl 1 was with Guy 2 because they hung out so much in public. There's your first clue that it's probably going no where - no one even knows you're together. By Halloween we all sort of knew though - mainly because people had realized myself and Guy 2 would flirt/dance a lot when we were drunk and the story had got out that we'd made out one night after sharing a cab home. Ultimately went no where when I found it at the end of November that he was hung up on a girl back home, but we became really good friends out of it. I got the standard "You're really cool, but I just like you as a friend cause I like this other girl..." talk. Anyways Girl 1 left the Halloween party early and goes home to wait for Guy 1. On his way home, Guy 1 ends up banging Girl 2 in a stairwell. Goes home to Girl 1, tells her this happened. I believe they just went to bed after that.
Girl 2's defence, via her friends, was that she had just gotten out of a very serious 4 year relationship. It was concluded that Girl 2 knew perfectly well about Girl 1 and her relationship with Guy 1.
Two weeks later, Girl 2 ends up making out with Guy 2, despite knowing that there is still something sort of going on between me and him. Girl 1 and Guy 1 decide to insert themselves into the situation to "save him from her." I found out about this later as I'd left the club at that point and gone home.
Ultimately, Girl 1 ended up pretty much blacklisted for the entire rest of the year by the entire faculty. After those two incidents no one would really go near her - guy or girl - unless they'd already been friends with her for awhile or somehow hadn't heard about her antics.
For my part, I didn't care that she'd made out with Guy 2 that much because I knew I had no real claim. However, since she and I had a conversation about how I was confused about the situation earlier in the evening it bugged me on that level.
By contrast - I had made out with Guy 2 the one night. The only reason people even found out was because Girl 1 and one of her friends ended up blabbing - and even then a lot of people still didn't know, as I discovered at the end of the year when I made some joke about it then had to explain. He hadn't said anything. In fact, when things had even started progressing that night between the two of us I had stopped him and laid the ground rules and his response was "I know." When we talked about it quite some time later (as in like January) he said that I hadn't really needed to spell it out for him because he knew I wasn't "that type of girl" and was impressed that I stood my ground about it.
So I didn't get blacklisted by the entire faculty, but guys knew not to waste their time by hitting on me at the bars because I wasn't going to put out. Plus Guy 2 morphed into a bit of an over-protective brother the odd time if he felt someone with a questionable reputation was trying to get me home.
That's generally what ends up happening with me though - no matter where I go. In fact I vividly recall one night about 2 years ago when I walked home a little drunk after we'd finished a show then stayed at the pub. I left with a guy, but no one even thought anything of it because even though he had started whoring around since he'd broken up with his long term girlfriend 4 weeks previously, it was me. That was my year abroad and a lot of guys had been trying very unsuccessfully for the entire year to sleep with me and it had never worked. So even though my guy friend and I had been flirting like crazy the whole night (he'd lent me his coat since we were out on the roof top patio), no one thought anything of it. (Again - another example of how I set the boundaries right away even though I was drunk and the guy just went "I know" and later on told me in the sober light of day he knew I wasn't "that type of girl" and added that I deserved better than some slutbag like him anyway. He's become my go-to straight guy for advice since.)
However - if you look at what I'm doing here, it doesn't seem to work in the college setting. At all. I end up being the girl who can hang out with the guys and sometimes will make out with them, without them expecting more because it's me and I'm not that type of girl, but I don't get anything more than that. I also end up becoming better friends with them afterwards - likely because the sexual tension has been dealt with and fizzled for both parties by that point. So I end up with a lot of guy friends who get protective of me in certain situations and I end up becoming what I term "the emotional girlfriend" for them. As in - while they go and sleep around, I provide the emotional support of a steady girlfriend without any of the drama because we aren't actually together.
And yes before someone else points it out - I realize I'm getting a bit of a rare deal out of it here. I'm the friend and the support system the crave but what do I get out of it. I know - stop enabling them, whatever, etc. But - they are my friends and they try and hook me up as well with nice guys if they can - or at least will sit and give me advice on how to handle guys. Does it get frustrating to hear my guy friends say that I would make an awesome girlfriend, but they don't want to date me themselves? Of course. Is it somewhat mitigated by the fact that they reassure me that I'm attractive and a good catch. Yes.
And remember Engineer Boy who I went on three dates with in August? Turns out he may not have just wanted my friend's number his friend that Saturday night. He started texting her the same Sunday he blew me off via text. And when she didn't reply, tried again on Monday. Monday night she called me and we had a long chat about the whole thing. I said ultimately I wasn't going to tell her to do one thing or another but that quite bluntly I thought it was a real dick move on his part. She agreed, and eventually texted him back saying that she felt he'd put her in a very awkward position and therefore couldn't hang out with him.
Upon hearing this story every single one of my guy friends has immediately said some combination of the following sentiments:
1. You deserve better
2. What an asshole
3. Are you ok?
4. What about the guy from work?
5. Want me to beat him up?
6. You're being super classy about this whole thing
Does it suck? Yeah. It's a big hit to the self esteem because while I'm kind of used to getting passed over for my friends by guys, it's usually not after I've already actually had a few dates with him. Well except for when my date to the spring ball in third year ended up making out with my friend, but we'd gone together but not like "together together."
And when I admit the hit to my self esteem my guy friends are immediately all over trying to cheer me up by again pointing out he's an asshole and that I'm awesome and deserve so much better and that I'm super hot and adorable all at once. And when I point out that most days I don't care one whit about my appearance, some of them will point out that's what makes me so cute.
And ultimately - I know my buddies are going to make damn sure that no guy takes advantage of me and that if they ever catch a guy talking shit about me they'll probably be there in an instant to beat the crap out of him.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Texting = not always your best option
Last night was date number 3 with Engineer Boy. I brought my friend and we hung out with him and his roommate. It was alright - good conversation although I started feeling kind of out of it. I'd developed a headache before I left and had taken an advil. I felt a bit better, but then we didn't eat dinner until really late. This doesn't usually fly with my system, which likes to randomly revolt. As it did last night as we were walking back to the boys' apartment.
My system revolted so much that it emptied the contents of my dinner onto the grass. Not that it had much to empty because I hadn't been able to stomach much to be honest.
Delightful.
Anywho - we said goodbye. He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead. As we were driving he texted saying his roommate would like my friend's number type deal. Gave it to him, he just texted back thanks. I sent one saying 'sorry I'm so lame for getting sick' or whatever.
I get home and it turns out I have a fever of over a hundred. Yep. It was not a fun night.
But the real kicker is the following. I had a game this afternoon but as I was leaving I went to check my phone. I have the following text:
"Hey {insert my real name}. I don't think this is gonna work out. You're a great girl but I just don't really feel a click. Sorry"
Initial reaction - why the hell didn't you at least call? Geez grow a pair.
Initial possible response - calling him to tell him he should have at least called.
Second possible response that put the kiabosh on the previous psycho response - I will not reply.
Third response, and course of action taken - drive home and go online to talk to people to get advice on reply. Send measure reply of following:
"Hey - no worries. Thanks for dinner last night. Hopefully you don't end up sick like I am now. Guess this is what I get for working with kids lol"
Anyways - I initially had gotten up and left this post not knowing if he would reply and while disappointed, wasn't overly fussed because - hey, just not my style and I still got work boy.
While I was eating dinner though - the following text came in:
"I'm glad you're not upset. We should still hang out sometime. I do still owe you a dinner after all. I wouldn't be too worried I don't get sick ofter. So you're still not feeling better?"
My response:
"Not really - I still had a bit of a fever this morning but I took some meds. Although trying to be a hero by going to soccer was stupid, but we had no subs."
Gonna go out on a limb and guess that probably my tom-boyish-ness is what is making it not click for him. He probably hasn't quite clued in that I remind him too much of a buddy of his or something. Cause I mean that would probably do it - and since I'm clueless about dating I usually don't know how to approach these sorts of situations so I instead act like a friend.
But hey - at least now I'm fully launched officially into the adult dating world post-university and had my first date since first year uni in 2006. Go team!
My system revolted so much that it emptied the contents of my dinner onto the grass. Not that it had much to empty because I hadn't been able to stomach much to be honest.
Delightful.
Anywho - we said goodbye. He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead. As we were driving he texted saying his roommate would like my friend's number type deal. Gave it to him, he just texted back thanks. I sent one saying 'sorry I'm so lame for getting sick' or whatever.
I get home and it turns out I have a fever of over a hundred. Yep. It was not a fun night.
But the real kicker is the following. I had a game this afternoon but as I was leaving I went to check my phone. I have the following text:
"Hey {insert my real name}. I don't think this is gonna work out. You're a great girl but I just don't really feel a click. Sorry"
Initial reaction - why the hell didn't you at least call? Geez grow a pair.
Initial possible response - calling him to tell him he should have at least called.
Second possible response that put the kiabosh on the previous psycho response - I will not reply.
Third response, and course of action taken - drive home and go online to talk to people to get advice on reply. Send measure reply of following:
"Hey - no worries. Thanks for dinner last night. Hopefully you don't end up sick like I am now. Guess this is what I get for working with kids lol"
Anyways - I initially had gotten up and left this post not knowing if he would reply and while disappointed, wasn't overly fussed because - hey, just not my style and I still got work boy.
While I was eating dinner though - the following text came in:
"I'm glad you're not upset. We should still hang out sometime. I do still owe you a dinner after all. I wouldn't be too worried I don't get sick ofter. So you're still not feeling better?"
My response:
"Not really - I still had a bit of a fever this morning but I took some meds. Although trying to be a hero by going to soccer was stupid, but we had no subs."
Gonna go out on a limb and guess that probably my tom-boyish-ness is what is making it not click for him. He probably hasn't quite clued in that I remind him too much of a buddy of his or something. Cause I mean that would probably do it - and since I'm clueless about dating I usually don't know how to approach these sorts of situations so I instead act like a friend.
But hey - at least now I'm fully launched officially into the adult dating world post-university and had my first date since first year uni in 2006. Go team!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Labels & Commitment
I had an interesting conversation with my friend J last night. She was asking about how things were going with Engineer Boy. I had a second date with him on Monday after work. It was just me hanging out at his place. We watched Zombieland and some tv. Talked a bunch. It was very nice, very relaxed. His dog is adorable and I think I scored major points because I am such an animal person.
It was nice - very comfortable - dare I say, domestic even. Initially a bit awkward and also I was a bit annoyed when he was texting like crazy on his phone. I think he saw my face at one point though because then he suddenly explained that his friend just lost his job and was bored out of his mind. It was weird though - we were sitting on the couch but it was one of those L-shaped ones, so he was on the one side sprawled out and I was on the other.
I think his roommate hid in his room the whole time which was kindda weird cause we didn't even do anything. We didn't even cuddle lol! Anyways - he only made a move when I was leaving and standing awkwardly in his hallway. Then he sort of went "come here" and pulled me in for a kiss so we stood in his front hall kissing/making out for a bit, but I think he's going to keep it slow which is more than ok by me. But it's a bit weird at the same time. I mean - he kept his hands above the waist the entire time and it took awhile for the kissing to progress to anything deeper. At one point we broke apart slightly and he kissed my forehead which was really cute.
Here's the thing though - that was date number two. We have a date planned for tomorrow - a double date in fact. I'm bringing a friend for his roommate who also happens to be his best friend. And the boys are cooking us dinner. I said I'd bring the wine - figured it was a valid contribution.
Anyways - Engineer Boy had invited J and her new bf (his friend), but they can't come cause J has work until late. However, I guess after her boy got the invite he asked her if she knew what the status was with me and Engineer Boy. So she asked me.
This made me feel incredibly awkward. Not because I don't know, but because I hadn't really given it much thought. I don't think you can really decide on a label and the level of commitment this early on when you barely know each other. At least not really anyway. I mean - he and I haven't had any kind of conversation about what we're after. And I hope we don't for some time yet. I realized suddenly following my conversation with J that my "whatever" attitude towards the whole thing wasn't very typical - at least not for a girl. When I started to think about it I realized a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are still getting to know each other.
But then J started on about how she and her guy had the conversation very early on about what they were looking for etc and I realized that's just not how I work. Maybe I would feel differently if I wasn't still kindda torn between Engineer Boy and my feelings for Work Boy - who has suddenly stepped up his game a bit too in random little ways it seems. But I really doubt it. I don't want to suddenly be in some sort of labeled commitment/relationship just because the guy happened to ask me out. Engineer Boy seems to be taking it slow and I'm ok with that. I don't need a label right now.
It's weird though because overall he's the obvious pursuer in whatever it is that we're doing. I'm not used to that. I don't think I've ever been obviously pursued in such a way. To be honest - it's making me extremely flighty. He tends to be the one to text me first and tends to be the one to text last. I do like the attention but I'm not used to it.
In any event - the boys are making dinner tomorrow and it should be fun. But I still don't need a label at the moment and I'm happy to see hwo things go.
It was nice - very comfortable - dare I say, domestic even. Initially a bit awkward and also I was a bit annoyed when he was texting like crazy on his phone. I think he saw my face at one point though because then he suddenly explained that his friend just lost his job and was bored out of his mind. It was weird though - we were sitting on the couch but it was one of those L-shaped ones, so he was on the one side sprawled out and I was on the other.
I think his roommate hid in his room the whole time which was kindda weird cause we didn't even do anything. We didn't even cuddle lol! Anyways - he only made a move when I was leaving and standing awkwardly in his hallway. Then he sort of went "come here" and pulled me in for a kiss so we stood in his front hall kissing/making out for a bit, but I think he's going to keep it slow which is more than ok by me. But it's a bit weird at the same time. I mean - he kept his hands above the waist the entire time and it took awhile for the kissing to progress to anything deeper. At one point we broke apart slightly and he kissed my forehead which was really cute.
Here's the thing though - that was date number two. We have a date planned for tomorrow - a double date in fact. I'm bringing a friend for his roommate who also happens to be his best friend. And the boys are cooking us dinner. I said I'd bring the wine - figured it was a valid contribution.
Anyways - Engineer Boy had invited J and her new bf (his friend), but they can't come cause J has work until late. However, I guess after her boy got the invite he asked her if she knew what the status was with me and Engineer Boy. So she asked me.
This made me feel incredibly awkward. Not because I don't know, but because I hadn't really given it much thought. I don't think you can really decide on a label and the level of commitment this early on when you barely know each other. At least not really anyway. I mean - he and I haven't had any kind of conversation about what we're after. And I hope we don't for some time yet. I realized suddenly following my conversation with J that my "whatever" attitude towards the whole thing wasn't very typical - at least not for a girl. When I started to think about it I realized a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are still getting to know each other.
But then J started on about how she and her guy had the conversation very early on about what they were looking for etc and I realized that's just not how I work. Maybe I would feel differently if I wasn't still kindda torn between Engineer Boy and my feelings for Work Boy - who has suddenly stepped up his game a bit too in random little ways it seems. But I really doubt it. I don't want to suddenly be in some sort of labeled commitment/relationship just because the guy happened to ask me out. Engineer Boy seems to be taking it slow and I'm ok with that. I don't need a label right now.
It's weird though because overall he's the obvious pursuer in whatever it is that we're doing. I'm not used to that. I don't think I've ever been obviously pursued in such a way. To be honest - it's making me extremely flighty. He tends to be the one to text me first and tends to be the one to text last. I do like the attention but I'm not used to it.
In any event - the boys are making dinner tomorrow and it should be fun. But I still don't need a label at the moment and I'm happy to see hwo things go.
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